Arms of Heaven

"Arms of Heaven"

I believe this was to remind me that God can give us a hug when we need it.

The girls put this together in honor of Josh. Those are rainbrops, but very well could have been tear drops from the girls and I.

I have been putting off this post for a while now. I have so many other things I'd rather post but being this is my families history, I suppose I shouldn't edit out the unpleasant events. Besides maybe this will be healing.

First I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that Josh will never walk through my front door again. Every Friday while he was dating Kate, he came over to visit. Usually Elyse was down for a nap and Payton was watching a movie. I'd fold laundry or do dishes while he followed me around my house and talked. I heard all about this girl Kate, listened to his ideas for gifts, and all about the engagement ring that was coming. He and Kate would stop by unexpected and Mark and I loved this about them. One of those times I was cleaning out cupboards in the basement, we chatted, I organized he helped. Looking further back....

He was 11, the oldest in his primary class. Those boys, you know who you are, were so naughty during singing, and sharing time. The primary presidency which consisted of Rachel, Kim, and I would sit around discussing these cute naughty boys. So we decided to march them down to Bishop Bird Coronel. Those boys including Josh walked back to the primary room with tear streaked faces, and very somber. All I knew of that conversation was that if they couldn't be more respectful in primary that their priesthood ordinations were in jepordy. Josh loved this memory and we joked often about it!! Our families began to watch "Survivor" from about the second season to present day. Josh always rooted for whomever we weren't. It was one of these Survivor dinners that Monty and Josh came over first, dinner was late, kids had frustrated me, I was carrying a little baby Elyse in my arms. Josh sensing my patience level being low, looked at me held out his arms and said, "pass the baby over" he took her and held her. I could call Josh and he was willing to babysit, most recent at Christmas when Payton got sick and couldn't attend her sisters Christmas performance. We got back, Payton had woken up, and he and Payton were playing. So sweet. Then there was the time that Caia, 4 years old, had a procedure done it was so traumatic for her. She and Josh sat on the couch at Sue's and carried on a conversation and sympathized with each other as only the two of them could understand. Tears flow when I think of the Hello Dolly's I won't be getting this Christmas. I will leave with this; I will never forget the time when he came through the door like a ghost after recovering from what we had thought was the end he looked at Caia, who was almost in tears at the site of him and not knowing what to do, he bent down opened his arms to and said " you can hug me." It's this image of Josh that I see when I think of him, that and his swagger.